She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
