take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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