We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
