I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
How's work?
Spinning.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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