somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
