How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
