My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Ladies don't puke and tell
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
