Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
