i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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