i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
