why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
