Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
