Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
