I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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