I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
