Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
