I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
