you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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