dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
