So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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