The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
