I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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