The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
