Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
