I can text with my tongue
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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