If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize