I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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