I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
