I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
