In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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