he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
