Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
