took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
