The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
