im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
