Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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