there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
