But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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