Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
