Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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