nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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