first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize