Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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