The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
