You smell like stripper and shame
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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