I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize