the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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