i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
