I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
