Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
