I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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