the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
