you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
