You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
