Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
