can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
