I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
