You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
