You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
