Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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