Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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