I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
PANTIES FOUND
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