theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
