so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Randomize
