You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
